Believing In Magic

Here's a bit of truth. The past few weeks have been hard. Dark even. I've been dealing with some heavy shit and been in my head ruminating and worrying about all sorts of things.

In the past year I've opened up quite a bit on social media... sharing my vulnerabilities and struggles along with the lessons I’ve learned and am learning. I do it in hopes of even just one person resonating and feeling hopeful or inspired.

And I’ve heard from so many of you how inspired you have been. And that means everything to me.

Yet even knowing that, sometimes it’s hard. It’s hard to find the inspiration in the struggle when you’re in the depths of it. And well, I’ve been in the depths of it. 

Everybody deals with struggle in different ways. For me, I tend to go into hiding. I don’t feel like talking much- even to the people closest to me - and I certainly don’t feel like posting and sharing… even with all of the learning and growing that’s happening.

But now I’m emerging and sharing a bit of what’s emerged in me…

On the same day that I turned 40, my business turned 1. My birthday marked exactly 1 full year of being in business as a music industry impact coach - 1 year to the day of receiving my first payment from my first paying client. And I’ve helped many since then. 

Pretty remarkable. 

But being my human brain (and especially one wired towards depression) - I immediately focused on all of the things that I didn’t accomplish. All of the goals I had for my first year in business that I didn’t hit. All of the things I thought I’d have achieved by the time I turned 40 that I’ve been making myself feel bad for not achieving yet. 

And on top of everything I was doing to make myself feel bad, I came up against some life circumstances that really knocked me off my center and hit me in all of my deepest wounds, insecurities and hurts. I was hurting deeply for myself and for people I love.

Then last Sunday, I went to meet up with some dear friends for a week away. Right up to the very moment I got on the plane, I didn’t feel like going. I wanted to stay safe in my bed, hiding away from the world and just wallow in my pain.

Which is why I knew I had to go.

And I’m so glad I did. 

Because being with people I love and I know love me - even without sharing what was going on inside - just being there, was healing.

We got out in nature and went for walks and hikes. We went to see the many Christmas light displays and soak in the holiday magic.

Now obviously, I don’t celebrate Christmas- but there is just something so special and beautiful with all of the lights and decorations, and everyone in the holiday spirit. It really does feel like there’s magic in the air.

And what I realized is there is ALWAYS magic in the air. Not just during the holidays. 

The holidays are just a time when everyone around us is tapping into it, so it’s easier to feel it. But it’s always there and always available.

The magic comes with believing in what seems unbelievable. In making the impossible possible. In dreaming what you never dared to dream.

The magic is there when you decide to emerge from the darkness.

And that’s all it is. A decision.

It’s ok to have the struggle, to have the pain - it’s all still there - but so is the hope, the belief, the possibility and the MAGIC.

Here’s to a magical 2022 for us all!